What To Do On Your Day Off

I am not sure what I do anymore during the offseason. Today is the second day in a row without any Rays baseball, and the fourth day without any sort of meaningful baseball to us. I am going through withdrawal. Since you all are probably as bored as I am, here is a list of things to do with the last day off.

Go see “Bruno” and tell me how it is, since I plan on seeing it tonight

Actually do work

Re-watch the season premier of “Entourage”
Speaking of “Entourage,” find out where I can buy a bottle of Macallan from 1971 for less than $1200 (the bottle Ari Gold was drinking in the office)

Work out, since fall and laziness are right around the corner

Perfect your skills at MLB ’09 for X-box 360 since Maddon 2010 and NCAA 2010 come out shortly and thus MLB ’09 will be retired

Buy the new “Punch Out” for Wii, pretend you are Mike Tyson, and bite your opponents ear off

Clean the house, mow the lawn, and take out the trash, then be sure that your wife knows you have done this so that next time she tells you that you don’t do anything, you can say “remember on the Rays’ day off when I did everything?”

Work on a science experiment in which you can take meth and pass a test, present results to Jeremy Mayfield and remind him that he is an idiot

Do above experiment (except instead of meth, use female fertility drugs, and instead of Jeremy Mayfield, use Manny Ramirez)

Practice catching a baseball, bunting, base-running, and losing weight. Send training video to Joe Maddon and explain to him why you would be better than Dioner Navarro.

Watch any sort of program on any sort of science network on Apollo 11

Protest the ESPYs giving the Rays the shaft by watching a sports highlights show on your local Fox Sports affiliate instead of Sportscenter

Egg Derrick Jeter’s new mansion on Davis Island

Watch Tom Emanski’s Defensive Drills videos, why not?

Dress up as your favorite “Star Wars” character, show up to a showing of “Harry Potter” and remind the fans on line dressed as Harry that they are unoriginal tools
Solve the following math/logic equation: You need to build a new baseball stadium and need to raise $500,000,000. The state won’t give you any money and you can’t raise taxes. With the economy, you can’t fund the effort yourself. You also need to find a location, however the residents of St. Petersburg don’t want a new stadium in their city, but also won’t let you break your lease with the city. How do you accomplish all of this? (Please send all answers to S. Sternberg Wall St, NY)

I take no consequences if you do any of the above. Trust me though, you will enjoy. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why.