Thursday, August 6, 2009

How They Match Up: East Side vs. West Side

It is time for another tale of the tape matchup. Today, the Rays are hopping on a chartered flight to the other side of the country. So, I want to look at which is better, East Side vs. West Side.

Better baseball history:
East Side: Yankees, Red Sox, Brooklyn Dodgers, New York Giants, Rays
West Side: Lots of teams moved from the east side
Advantage: East Side – The West Side was so jealous that it had to steal a few teams from the East Side

More current baseball teams:
East Side: A lot
West Side: Padres, Angels, Dodgers, Mariners, and I will even give you the Diamondbacks and the Rockies
Advantage: East Side – The Rays play here

Major metropolitan city:
East Side: New York
West Side: Los Angeles
Advantage: Push - Hard to determine between the business capital of the world and the entertainment capital of the world

90's Rapper who was killed:
East Side: Notorious B.I.G.
West Side: Tupac
Advantage: West Side – Even though Tupac is (possibly) still alive, he was a much better entertainer. His music was great and he even was solid in “Above the Rim”

East Side: Disney World
West Side: Disneyland
Advantage: East Side – Disneyland could fit into Disney World’s parking lot

Hosts of late night talk show:
East Side: Letterman, Fallon
West Side: Conan, Kimmel
Advantage: West Side – Conan is the selling point

Natural Disaster:
East Side: Hurricanes
West Side: Earthquakes
Advantage: East Side – At least they can be somewhat predicted

Gambling city:
East Side: Atlantic City
West Side: Las Vegas
Advantage: West Side – VEGAS BABY!

East Side: Ivy League Schools
West Side: Stanford
Advantage: East Side – Just because of the way people can pronounce “Haaaaaaaarvard”

Time zone:
East Side: Eastern
West Side: Pacific
Advantage: West Side – You can watch a Rays game then still go out at night afterwards, or if a game goes 13 innings, you can still make it to work the next day easily

Place where Evan Longoria played:
East Side: Tampa Bay Rays
West Side: Long Beach State Dirtbags
Advantage: East Side – Dirtbags are an awesome mascot, but we love him playing for our favorite team

East Side: Batman
West Side: Ironman

Advantage: East Side – Hands down

TV Show Settings:

East Side: “How I Met Your Mother,” “The Office,” “30 Rock”
West Side: “Entourage,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Arrested Development”
Advantage: Push – All those shows are way too good

Star athlete turned felon:
East Side: Michael Vick
West Side: OJ Simpson
Advantage: West Side - OJ didn’t kill anything, errrrrr, wasn’t convicted of killing anything, and I guess that makes him better than a convicted dog killer

Annoying things said:
East Side: “Wicked haaaaad” by someone from Boston
West Side: “Hella” by someone from San Francisco
Advantage: Push – I want to punch both in the face equally hard, or as someone from Boston and San Francisco would say, I want to hella-punch both in the face wicked haaaaad

Final Results
East Side: 7
West Side: 5
Push: 3

So there you have it, the East Side has shown its supremacy. Maybe this is because of my east coast bias, but the results do speak for themselves. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why the East Side is better than the West Side.

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