Friday, June 26, 2009

Honoring A Legend

Yesterday, the world was shocked with the news that Michael Jackson had passed away. Although controversial and erratic, Michael Jackson was a legend in the entertainment industry. He was the "King of Pop" and released the highest selling album of all time. I used to listen to an LP version of "Thriller" when I was very young. I also have a friend who was a teleprompter for Jackson's rehearsals, and worked with Jackson as recently as Wednesday night. I still think this news is surreal.

Michael Jackson was one of the greatest entertainers of all time, and I would like to honor him by using some of his work to entertain you. I will now list what Michael Jackson songs remind me of each of the Rays' players.

"ABC" - Andy Sonnanstine, because you need to work on the beginning, as in the 1st inning

"Beat it" - Jeff Niemman, by "it" I mean your opponents

"Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough" - Jason Bartlett, your hitting streak

"Got to be There" - JP Howell and his 9th inning pitching

"Heal the World" - Scott Kazmir, by "the world" I mean your pitching motion

"I Just Can't Stop Loving You" - Evan Longoria, for obvious reasons

"I Want You Back" - Dionner Navarro, your all-star skills

"I'll Be There" - Randy Choate is there when needed against lefties

"Man in the Mirror" - Gabe Kapler, because if I had his body I would stare at myself in the mirror

"Modern Man" - Ben Zobrist as the man who plays every position and always has a knack for clutch hitting

"PYT" - David Price, the up and coming "pretty young thing" soon to be stud

"People Make the World Go Round" - Carlos Pena, who makes himself and others go round the basepaths by jacking balls out of the park

"Remember the Time" - Grant Balfour, remember when you threw 97?

"Rock With You" - Pat Burrell, who will hopefully rock with Carlos Pena soon

"She Drives Me Wild" - BJ Upton, who drives me wild when he gets picked off on the bases, which seems like every game

"Smooth Criminal" - Carl Crawford, do I really need to explain this one?

"State of Shock" - Dan Wheeler, who has put me in a state of shock lately by tearing it up

"Take me Back" - Winston Abreu, who hopefully will be taken back to Durham when Kazmir and Chad Bradford come back, even though he is out of options and has to be DFA'd

"The Way You Make me Feel" - James Shields, who just makes me feel comfortable when he is on the mound

"They Don't Care About Us" - Joe Dillon and Michel Hernandez, who were left on the bench this past week when Andy Sonnanstine was called on to pinch hit

"Threatened" - Akinori Iwamura, who should feel threatened that even if he comes back, he will not get his position back

"Thriller" - Matt Garza, because his pitching outings kinda remind me of the first time I saw the music video "Thriller," I just didn't know what I was going to get

"We Are the World" - Gabe Gross, because you seem to be able to cover the world out in right field

"We've Had a Good Thing Going" - Joe Nelson, who really has had a good thing going, now keep it going all season please.

"Why You Wanna Trip on me?" - Willy Aybar, in honor of A.J. Pierzynski "accidentally tripping" over Willy last season

"You Are Not Alone" - Troy Percival and Jason Isringhausen, as relief pitchers whose time has passed

"You Are There" - Lance Cormier, because every time one of the Rays' starting pitchers stinks up the joint, he is there

So there you have it, there is a Michael Jackson song that reminds me of the 25 man roster and 4 of the guys on the disabled list. I want to thank Michael Jackson for all of the entertainment he provided during life which was cut way too short. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and especially his 3 children.

Michael Jackson was one of the greatest entertainers of all time, and you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that.
RIP Michael Jackson, 1958-2009.


  1. You know how i know you are gay?

    You were a young kid teleprompter on wednesday night for michael jackson.

  2. Didn't he molest children too?

  3. I hope none of the Rays see this...."tribute to
    M. Jackson" of them might want to knock you out!